I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
