My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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