You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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