Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
