i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
