Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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