I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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