apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
