i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
