Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
