I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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