dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
