When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
