You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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