I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
