Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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