I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
