i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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