I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
and you fell through a lawn chair
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
