I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize