i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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