beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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