I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
