CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
