well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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