WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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