Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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