im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize