My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
