He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So much Jack, so little girl.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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