I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
