you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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