Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
