Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
