So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
