So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
