Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize