They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
