I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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