YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
