she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
