my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Randomize
