Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
