dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
