haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
