Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
