you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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