she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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