I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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