I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
