If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
