Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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