there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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