So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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