If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
