Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
