if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
