I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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