so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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