I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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