So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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