I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i came on her dog
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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