He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
