genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Randomize
