i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The power of my boobs compel you
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
